Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt." Now you can intellectually handle the situation.

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt Inc.

They had one son, Jack.

Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parent's objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.

Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she decided to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt- Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt.

Two other of the 6 children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd and Hoarse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the World. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

So now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt", you can properly and historically correct them.

(Family History Recorded By Crock O. Schitt)---