Internet Board of Disease Control



                        TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN,

   I regret to inform you that you have been named as a possible
cyber-sexual partner of
     someone who has tested positive for the ATTICS (Affliction Transmitted
Through
  Internet Chat Sex) virus. It would benifit you to be tested and/or treated
for this disease.
        ATTICS is highly contagious and can be spread by a simple "f@ck you" or
     "muuuuaaaahhhhh". It appears to be predominent in WebTV users but has been
                         detected in the PC community.

  Amusing as this may sound this is no laughing matter! ATTICS is a mainly
psychological
   disorder but can fester into physical ailments if not treated. You will
be provided with a list of symptoms, if you have any of these contact this
office and forward this notice to all your cyber-sexual contacts!

   The following is a list of symptoms, onset of these symptoms may be
immediate or may
       remain undetected for years. PLEASE do not ignore these warning
signs!!!!!




     1.KEYBOARD COURAGE: The threatening of another chatter for no logical
reason.

     2.WOOHOO: The uncontrollable urge to say wooooohoooooo to anything that
may be
       deemed sexual in nature (may be a result of overactive woohoormones).

     3.HOLIDAY INN-hibition: The need to take someone to a private room.

     4.P.T.P.U.D. (POST TRAMATIC POP UP DISORDER): Heavy reliance on
       popups.

     5.HORIZONTAL RETNAL SCAN: Inability to read anything that doesn't
scroll up.

     6.LOSS OF FINGERNAILS.

     7.BEDPAN COMPLEX: Having a bucket next to the TV for human waste.

     8.CYBER TERRETTS SYNDROME: The random shouting of obscenities every time
       the phone rings.

     9.RED EYE: Elimiination of any whites from the eye.

    10.VIRTUAL SPEED: The ability to make 2 lunches, fold a load of laundry,
go pee, and
       put in a video, before your last comment leaves the screen.

    11.SLEEP APATHY: Going without sleep to chat.

    12.CYBER ANNOREXIA: Going without food to chat.

    13.SYMBOLIC DSYLEXIA: The use of initials instead of words ie.:
       LMAO=LAUGHING MY A$$ OFF.

    14.NIC IDENTITY CRISIS: The adoption of a nic as a second name.



            If you encounter any of these symptoms feel free to contact me.


                          THANKS FOR YOUR TIME,

                              Dr. Pete O. Fender
                        Internet Board of Disease Control