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FRUIT CAKE RECIPE

You'll need the following:
a cup of water,
a cup of sugar,
four large eggs,
two cups of flour,
two cups of dried fruit,
a teaspoon of baking soda,
a teaspoon of salt,
a cup of brown sugar,
lemon juice, nuts,
and a bottle of whisky.

Sample the whisky to check for quality.

Take a large bowl.

To be sure it is the highest quality, check the whisky again by pouring one level cup and drinking it.

Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer; beat one cup of butter in a large, fluffy bowl.

Add one seaspoon of tugar, and beat again.

Make sure the whisky is still OK by crying another tup.

Turn off the mixer.

Break two large leggs, and add to the bowl.

Then chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, wiggle your wingers in there and pry it loose. Like this, see?

O.K. Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of flowers.

Check the whisky one more time.

Now sift the lemon juice, and strain the nuts.

Add one table to the spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you got.

Now, grease the oven.

Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Throw the bowl out.

Check the whisky again, and go to bed.