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Excuses
These are actual excuse notes from parents (including spelling):

My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.