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During the Great Depression, there was this man who walked into a bar one day.
He walked up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a
round of drinks". The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of
the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first". The guy pulls out a huge
wad of bills and sets them on the bar. Well, the bartender can't beleive what
he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?", asked the bartender. "I'm
a professional gambler", replied the man. The bartender said, "There's no
such thing! I mean, your odds are 50-50 at best, right?". "Well, I only bet
on sure things" said the guy.

"Like what?" asked the bartender.

"Well, for example, I'll bet you $50 that I can bite my right eye." The
bartender
thought about it. "OK". So, the guy pulls out his false right eye and bites it.

"Aw, you screwed me", said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50. "I'll give
you another chance. I'll bet you another $50 that I can bite my LEFT eye" said
the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean
I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet".

So, the guy pulls out his false teeth and bites his left eye. "Aw, you
screwed me again".

That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your
best scotch in leiu of the $50", said the man.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night
playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card
playing,
he stumbled up to the bar. The guy, drunk as a skunk, said, "Bartender, I'll
give
you one last chance. I'll bet you $500 that I can stand on this bar here on
one foot
and pee into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a
drop".

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up
straight
on two feet, much less one. "OK, you're on".

The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began peeing all over
the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it
into the whiskey bottle.

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe
me $500!".
The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's OK. I just bet each of
the guys
in the card room $1000 each that I could pee all over you AND the bar and
still make
you laugh!"