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  A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter
  and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man =
  a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk =
  promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, =
  leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got =
  from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. (If someone points a gun at you and =
  gives you money, was a crime committed?)

  A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and =
  carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, =
  MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A F _ _ _-UP!" For a moment, everyone was =
  silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and
  doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been =
  about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn & fired before the thief =
  got him. The thief ran away and is still at large.
  In memory of the event, the bank later put a plaque on the wall engraved =
  "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a f_ _ _k-up!"

  Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that =
  he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some =
  booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his =
  head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be =
  thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store =
  window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

  As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed =
  her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was =
  able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within =
  minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the =
  car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car =
  and told to stand
  there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes Officer, that's her. =
  That's the lady I stole the purse from."

  MEGA MORON #5=20


  When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a =
  Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived =
  at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near =
  spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying =
  to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank =
  by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying =
  that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

  The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger =
  King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The =
  clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register =
  without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said =
  they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

  Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running =
  a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of =
  pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper =
  off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the =
  chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to =
  the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the =