Make your own free website on Tripod.com
Internet Board of Disease Control

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN, I regret to inform you that you have been named as a possible cyber-sexual partner of someone who has tested positive for the ATTICS (Affliction Transmitted Through Internet Chat Sex) virus. It would benifit you to be tested and/or treated for this disease. ATTICS is highly contagious and can be spread by a simple "f@ck you" or "muuuuaaaahhhhh". It appears to be predominent in WebTV users but has been detected in the PC community. Amusing as this may sound this is no laughing matter! ATTICS is a mainly psychological disorder but can fester into physical ailments if not treated. You will be provided with a list of symptoms, if you have any of these contact this office and forward this notice to all your cyber-sexual contacts! The following is a list of symptoms, onset of these symptoms may be immediate or may remain undetected for years. PLEASE do not ignore these warning signs!!!!! 1.KEYBOARD COURAGE: The threatening of another chatter for no logical reason. 2.WOOHOO: The uncontrollable urge to say wooooohoooooo to anything that may be deemed sexual in nature (may be a result of overactive woohoormones). 3.HOLIDAY INN-hibition: The need to take someone to a private room. 4.P.T.P.U.D. (POST TRAMATIC POP UP DISORDER): Heavy reliance on popups. 5.HORIZONTAL RETNAL SCAN: Inability to read anything that doesn't scroll up. 6.LOSS OF FINGERNAILS. 7.BEDPAN COMPLEX: Having a bucket next to the TV for human waste. 8.CYBER TERRETTS SYNDROME: The random shouting of obscenities every time the phone rings. 9.RED EYE: Elimiination of any whites from the eye. 10.VIRTUAL SPEED: The ability to make 2 lunches, fold a load of laundry, go pee, and put in a video, before your last comment leaves the screen. 11.SLEEP APATHY: Going without sleep to chat. 12.CYBER ANNOREXIA: Going without food to chat. 13.SYMBOLIC DSYLEXIA: The use of initials instead of words ie.: LMAO=LAUGHING MY A$$ OFF. 14.NIC IDENTITY CRISIS: The adoption of a nic as a second name. If you encounter any of these symptoms feel free to contact me. THANKS FOR YOUR TIME, Dr. Pete O. Fender Internet Board of Disease Control